Are you a true Hereford fan?
Did you buy a season ticket this season?
Have you got a Bulls membership card?
Have you painted your house black and white?
Have you named your baby after the Bulls promotion squad?
Have you put up team photographs at work?
Have you sent the players cards on their birthday?
Have you put the family into debt so you can watch away matches?
Can you afford the diesel to travel to Edgar Street from Barnet in London?
Just what makes a true fan?
Well, here's my quick tongue in cheek definition.
A true Hereford United fan not only learns to argue as a supporter, but plans his/her whole week around the Bulls, not to mention the remainder of his/her whole life.
Spends an inordinate amount of time trying to convert other people into watching the Bulls.
The true fan plans leisure time around the team; summer holidays are a mere distraction, while Sunday is put to its rightful purpose, resting, in order to develop explanations for United's success or failure on Saturday.
Now if you want to be a true Bulls fan you've got to learn an entire vocabulary.
A Hereford defeat is UNLUCKY.
Drawing away from home is EARNING A POINT.
The opposition getting a draw at Edgar Street is SNATCHING A POINT.
Losing a point at home is HAVING A POINT STOLEN.
United do not play defensively, they defend RESOLUTELY.
Opposition teams at Edgar Street who come to play defensively, are doing so because that's all they are capable of.
United's physical players are HARD TACKLING and TENACIOUS.
Opposition defenders are DIRTY.
If the Bulls go on a long run without a win, United are going through a RE-BUILDING PHASE, whereas an opposition team going through a bad patch are LOSERS and RELEGATION CANDIDATES.
When the Bulls score against the run of play it's BRILLIANT COUNTER-ATTACKING.
If the opposition score when counter-attacking its SHEER BAD LUCK.
When it comes to saving penalties, the opposition MISS penalties, while the Bulls' goalkeeper makes a BRILLIANT SAVE.
If a referee gives a dodgy decision against the opposition, he is very CONSISTENT and DOING HIS JOB.
When a referee makes a decision against Hereford he's a SHORT SIGHTED IDIOT who should get back to his job as a schoolteacher in Sheffield just after visiting specsavers.
Got any more of these?
Drop 'The Camel' a line here at Talking BullCamels Corner